“This made me wonder: If self-love isn’t a new phenomenon, if we’ve been taught for decades that our lives will be made better just by loving ourselves more and feeling confident, why hasn’t it caught on? Why aren’t we all happier?
In fact, it seems we’re less happy than ever before. Americans under forty are more depressed, anxious, lonely, and suicidal than any generation before us.”

I just finished Allie Beth Stuckey’s new book: “You’re Not Enough (And That’s Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love” and it was a really interesting read. If you are interested in starting a discussion about self-worth, faith, love, truth, humility, and freedom, I highly recommend checking it out!

check it out

Our mental health and perceptions of the world and ourselves in it are so important to living a healthy life. I feel passionate about this topic because realizing my “not-enoughness” brought me to the foot of the cross at a dark time in my life. I wasn’t enough to heal myself physically, emotionally/mentally, or spiritually and it was the wake up call I needed to look outside of myself for truth, meaning, and a fulfilling life. To identify myself as a redeemed sinner has been the most freeing realization of my life. Jesus simultaneously humbles us & lifts us up. Praise God for his grace and mercy!

“Self-love is superficial and temporary. God’s love is profound and eternal.” (p. 10)

The book of Romans says this: For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.

- Romans 3:23-25

Allie does a great job of assessing our real struggles and feelings of self-doubt, critiquing why the self-love culture doesn’t sufficiently address them, and how Jesus provides the better and more freeing solution. Another one of my favorite quotes from the book is this: “The self can’t be both the problem and the solution. If our problem is that we’re insecure or unfulfilled, we’re not going be able to find the antidote to these things in the same place our insecurities and fear are coming from.”

In the book, Allie shares 5 statements/ mantras that are popular to encourage (especially women) today. She discusses how each is both biblically untrue and practically unattainable.

She discusses these 5 mantras/ myths:

You are enough
You determine your truth
You’re perfect the way you are
You’re entitled to your dreams
You can’t love others until you love yourself

Throughout the book she also brings several other important topics including:

Self-love culture
Body image, eating disorders, body positivity
The cult of self-affirmation: authenticity and autonomy
The prosperity gospel and “Hipster Jesus Christianity”
Abortion
How to study scripture
Cancel culture
Social justice
Personality tests
Feelings validation
#girlboss culture
Socialism
Feminism
Humility
Marriage
Motherhood

Christian women: I highly encourage you to read this book because understanding that you are not enough (but God is) simply restates the glorious truth of the gospel: we are sinners, but God has redeemed us. Being aware and free of the toxicity of the self-love will draw you closer to the Lord, who offers complete fulfillment and true identity in Christ. It also allows you to take your eyes off of yourself and instead grow in true humility to serve others sacrificially.

For anyone with different religious or political beliefs, I would still encourage you to check this out. It is so important to consider others’ perspectives and have a clear understanding of opposing beliefs and where they come from. I promise that any woman can identify with this book in some way. Allie opens up about her own personal struggles and experience with self-care/ self-love and the truly damaging affects that it can have especially on young women’s lives.

I discovered Allie Stuckey about a year ago when I came across her speech in Congress regarding abortion. Since then, she has both affirmed beliefs that I held previously and challenged other beliefs through thoughtful, rational, and biblically-based arguments. She has a podcast called “Relatable” where she discusses theology, culture, and politics.

If you do end up reading this book — or are intrigued by this at all — I’d love to discuss further!

Buy Allie's book

Another great companion book is: “The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness: The Path to True Christian Joy” by Timothy Keller.

“Because the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.
Gospel-humility is not needing to think about myself. Not needing to connect things with myself. It is an end to thoughts such as, "‘I’m in this room with these people, does that make me look good? Do I want to be here?’ True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings.”